Quality reading: Did you know that The VICE Guide to Eating Pussy is still one of the main articles to bring people over to VICE.com? The reason for this is because unless you’re five years old, an unadventurous straight girl, or some other manner of person who sucks, you’ve probably had your mouth on a vagina and want to grow better and better in your skills as your life moves forward. Don’t you wanna be a winner? Don’t you wanna succeed in the ongoing battle of mouth vs. pussy? FUCK YES YOU DO! I figured that maybe it was time for a new guide, from the perspective of someone who both has a vagina, and is also BFFS with vagina (sexually). As I was writing that thing that I just wrote about people who may not have ever had their mouth on a vagina, I had to stop and think about what sort of creature would fall into the “no thanks, no vagina for me” category. I thought about this for a long time, as though I was trying to solve a particularly difficult math problem because, after eating vagina for TWENTY-ONE years now, I can’t imagine life without it. It’s one of my major food groups. Oh, hello. I’m a humongous lesbian. Perhaps you didn’t know that. Fact numero uno about lesbos is that, unless we’re chumps/fakers, we know a shit ton about flippy flaps, namely, how to wear one as a hat. Much with anything else in life though, enthusiasm doesn’t always equal skill. You can love a thing (like pussy) and still suck at that thing (like eating pussy). In the world of lesbian sex there are two acts that are at the upper echelon of difficulty 1) Strap-ons 2) Going down on a crotch in a really amazing way. This post is going to focus on the second one, and will hopefully be helpful for lesbians, soon to be lesbians, straight dudes, whoever.
